I have always had a simple mantra that I began practicing back when I was in transition between jobs 15 years ago. I am pretty sure that my parents had probably tried to teach me this when I was younger, but like most things you are taught a kid, it didn't really stick with me. It was something I had often practiced in my career that made me more successful, but I was not always intentional in my efforts. But as I go through a second career transition during a time of global crisis, I find the concept resonates now more than ever.
The mantra, and often most important 5 words in business, are this; How can I help you?
While these may seem pretty obvious, in the fast-paced world we live in we often don't get to this part of the conversation, email, text, etc. The short-hand nature of communications today steals some of the personal connection elements that bring people together with some depth and meaning. HCIHY is not a catchy acronym when texting and people don't often get beyond "the point" in their communications. In our current times the need for personal connection is greater than ever but the communication vehicles being used to connect stifle real connection. Faced with a Brady Bunch looking grid of faces on Zoom or Google Hangouts can these five words be a path to better connection?
Some would say no. They might feel it suggests people cannot handle their affairs during a difficult time or that they may not be prepared to have people share some of their challenges. In general, some would say that helping others isn't even an option these days. While some of this might be true, we all need to remember that the challenges of today will pass and in the new world order we find a few months from now, how we cultivate and maintain relationships today may set the tone for our future success.
So, I say yes, how can I help you is the right question to be asking. Even better, maybe we should all be asking ourselves this question before reaching out. Knowing how you might be able to help someone before you even connect shows a level of thoughtfulness, that most would appreciate these days. Whether personally or in a business format, offering to help others creates powerful connections that leave lasting impressions. Used properly this simple question can be pivotal to building meaningful relationships.
Used properly. Yes, that is really important here. How can I help you can become a throw away question if you don’t use it properly. Anyone can say it, and everyone can offer to be helpful. So, what do I mean by use it properly? There are really just two simple rules I have for myself when I choose to ask this question:
1. Be sincere. You need to be sincere in your offer and empathetic to others should they choose to take you up on your offer. When you are sincere the level of personal connection grows, and others will appreciate that you asked. If you just drop it out there and move on to the next topic instantly, it will lack sincerity. Ask and then offer a quiet pause to see if you get response. Listen and the sincerity will come through.
2. Actually help. If you choose to offer to help someone you need to be committed to doing the follow-up to help and you need to be timely in that effort. If you are overwhelmed right now or wouldn’t really be open to the potential of helping someone, you may choose to steer clear of the offer until you are ready. The worst thing you can do is offer to help and then not follow-up, that will undermine your connectivity every time.
So, how does this work in real life? Sometimes examples might help. Let’s look back to early this morning, the not too distant past. In speaking with a friend in the recruiting business, I had a chance to update him on my status and share what I was looking for in future opportunities. As the call wound down, I said, “let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in the searches you are working on.” By doing this I shifted the discussion away from me and into how this person’s work and day were also. He shared a few openings he was working on. I listened and made a few notes. When he was done, I said I think I can help you. I then shared some connections I could create that might help him source great candidates. But the work didn’t end at the end of the call. Once we hung up, I got to work, reaching out to people who might be able to help with the search work that he was doing. Then, with contact information in hand, I wrote a series of emails introducing him to people who might be able to help. I really wanted to help him be successful in filling the opening he was working on and I did the follow-up I promised promptly.
Another recent example happened last week when I was scheduled to interview with a company recruiter. The meeting got pushed back a day due to an HR meeting she had to attend. When our call opened, she shared that company had been forced to close their two manufacturing facilities and was placing the current job opening on hold. She shared it was affecting their HQ team as well and even she was being impacted. Hearing the stress in her voice, I asked if there was anything I could do to help her or their team as they went through this challenging time. That was when she shared that it was her last day with the company and she had been laid off. Despite being just a few hours from being unemployed, she had the professionalism to reach out and close the loop with me. So, I inquired about her plans for looking for work and learned more about what she was hoping to do workwise, how it was affecting her family (her husband was out of work as well) and listened to her needs. I shared a few people and companies I thought of that could help her and then got to work making connections. She then closed the call by sharing more information with me on who would be picking up the search for the company next and giving me more insight into the role. And just like that 5 words turned what should have been a 2-minute call to tell me the job was on hold into a 30-minute conversation, new connections for both of us and a chance to keep the interview process alive downstream.
One last example I will share goes back to 2008 when I was speaking with the pastor of our church. We were talking about how we had recently come through a search for the new pastor of the church (him) and the process. In that conversation he shared that he was really blessed to be in that role and mentioned that a number of members of the congregation were recently out of work and struggling to find new jobs. Having recently spent some time in the world of executive search, I asked if I might be able to help those folks. He then did a few introductions and I was surprised to see that some folks simply didn’t know where to begin and that they knew of people in similar straights. Within just a few weeks I went from offering individuals advice to hosting a small group meeting each week at the church to help people in transition. It started small but grew quickly as word got out. We would meet each week share stories about their efforts and then I would offer insights on a topic each week to help; resume writing, networking, etc. Hearing of the work we were doing people who were employed started attending also to help. Through that group interaction people began asking how they could help each other, and 3 people landed into new jobs. Others found work through new networks they developed, and each person found value in having a safe place to share their struggles. When I offered to help, I thought I would be offering tips to one or two people. It turned into almost a year of monthly meetings, but as I said, if you offer to help you have to be willing to follow-up.
There are so many more examples I could share. Helping buyers find the right products to meet a need they have even when it wasn’t the one, I was there to sell. Connecting people within a company inter-departmentally who may not have known each other but had just what the other person needed. Linking friends in similar industries and people who simply need information on a topic. You will find that when you offer to help, the list of ways you will help can grow quickly.
So, when you are connecting with people, I would encourage you to consider adding these five important words into your conversation. Be sincere, listen carefully and take action if there is an opportunity. We all have ourselves to offer and gifts we can share. I can’t think of a better time to be sharing and helping others than now.
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